Billy likes to watch Elijah play videogames late at night.
It's something in the way that the explosions flicker across his face as Elijah leans forward, with his elbows on his knees. The passing glare of virtual headlights on the hardest setting of Gran Tourismo dance across the surface of Elijah's wide and shifting eyes, and Billy's hand always seems to reach forward and curl over the top of Elijah's bare foot. Something about the crash bang noise and the scintillating spectacle of it all in the dimmed recesses of Elijah's living room makes Billy think of fireworks against a hot summer sky. He watches for hours on end, before sliding his hand into Elijah's lap and asking him without words to finally turn it off.
Billy knows that all of this extra attention has everything to do with a secret Elijah told him once, whilst standing in the periphery of one of Orlando's get-togethers. He remembers that it was getting late and that Orlando was no where to be seen; Elijah's breath smelled of alcohol and when he spoke, he leaned so that his hip came in contact with Billy's whenever he giggled. He was wearing red and biting his nails and drinking out of bottles with slippery perspiring necks. Every time Elijah spoke, he lightly touched Billy's arm, as if it served as some form of tactile punctuation.
To this day, Billy doesn't know why Elijah told him the things he did.
:::
It had to do with a friend of Hannah's, when he was fifteen years old on the fourth of July. They had gone out onto the roof with a couple of snagged beers to watch the fireworks. Elijah told Billy that his sister's little friend had lilac colored lips and tiny blue flowers on her bra. The whole thing didn't last very long, but how could you blame him? He was fifteen years old and wound as tight as they come. Afterwards, she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and smiled; she didn't let Elijah kiss her goodnight when she left.
Billy's not sure if Elijah recalls ever sharing this piece of information with him -- this dirty little secret that Elijah keeps stored in a well-visited cabinet of his mind labeled 'Clandestine Encounters'.
Billy sometimes wonders if he is tucked away in the same little drawer as well.
:::
Billy remembers that after telling his little story, Elijah laughed once into his beer and then flashed his blue eyes in Billy's direction -- full of nostalgia and longing and other unshared secrets. Elijah touched Billy's arm again. Billy allowed himself to be touched.
Later that night, Elijah smiled up at Billy while wiping at his face with the back of his trembling hand. He didn't say anything -- neither of them did.
They both drove themselves home without kissing goodnight.
